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Jessica Boston, Cognitive Hypnotherapist & Confidence Coach
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Emily Jacob

EMILY JACOB

Guiding survivors of rape to their ReConnected Life

Unique ID: emily

Keywords: Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, Speaker

Industry sector: Coaching & Training

Location: United Kingdom

From feeling broken, fragile and disconnected to thriving and reconnected, Emily takes her clients on the same transformational journey of self-discovery, self-love and the ability to reconnect with the world around them that she has spent so long journeying herself.

 

As someone who no longer lurks in the shadows to hide away from the fact that she was once a rape victim, Emily is a courageous woman who is on a mission to show the world that rape shouldn’t define you; it shouldn’t hold you back from living a truly fulfilled life and most importantly, you are not at fault.

 

Emily is extremely passionate about seeing the end of rape, for survivors to be and feel supported and most importantly, to actually get the support they need to move on. Emily is on a mission to champion the end of the rape culture that currently exists within out society. Emily is a force to be reckoned with as she journeys towards being a catalyst for change.

 

Having spent years along with thousands of pounds trying to make sense of her own life after a succession of life-changing incidents, Emily has amassed a ton of skills and methods, which she now uses to help her own clients achieve outstanding results. “I knew the coaching skills combined with my real-life experience of different therapies and my own recovery could be a powerful combination to help others”.

 

When every day is a fight for survival, it’s hard to believe that things can actually get better. Hope is a very powerful drug; we need more of it to bolster our recoveries. Emily openly shares her story, her strategies and her personal story in order to inspire and give hope that their life will get better too.

Expertise & Speciality

Abuse and Recovery,  Anxiety,  Coaching and Training,  Complimentary Therapy,  Counseling / Psychotherapy,  Crime, Law and Order,  Depression,  Domestic Abuse,  Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness,  Family and Parenting,  Health and Wellbeing,  Mental Health,  Mind, Body, Spirit,  Motivation / Inspiration,  Neuro linguistic programming  ,  Overcoming Fear,  Overcoming Trauma,  Panic Attacks,  Personal Development,  Positive Psychology,  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,  Relationships,  Sexuality,  Spirituality,  Therapy / Counseling

Industry Sector

Coaching & Training

Passions & Purpose

I want to live in a world where rape survivors feel free and reconnected with their life.

 

Whilst rape is something that happened to them, I no longer want it to consume or define them.

 

I want to live in a world where the conversation around rape has moved on from blaming victims to condemning rapists.

 

Free of stigma and shame, victims should feel safe to report rape, knowing that courts will convict offenders and that they will be fully supported through all stages of their physical, mental and spiritual recovery. The result is a community of empowered survivors thriving and living full and joyful lives.

 

I want to live in a world where society doesn’t accept rape under any circumstances. The stigma and taboo that was once associated with being a rape survivor is now rightfully associated with the rapist. And as a result, rape no longer happens due to the newly imposed consequences.

 

I am on a mission to change people’s perceptions from the outside looking in and for the survivors who are looking out.

Recent gigs & credits

  • BBC Breakfast
  • BBC 5 Live
  • Huffington Post
  • Metro
  • Psychologies Life Labs
  • Glamour Magazine

Long Biography

I was quirky, non-conformist, outwardly confident; the kind friend offering support; the corporate career woman who told it straight. No one ever saw the survivor battling away underneath.

 

Some people knew I’d been raped, some even knew I struggled sometimes, but they didn’t really understand. They didn’t see the pain, the self hatred, the suffocation I had to deal with every single day.

 

I was shattered, both mentally and physically. For over six years I struggled with PTSD. I had nightmares, panic attacks. I rarely slept through the night. I felt that there was no way out of the abyss.

 

I spent a lot of time feeling out of control and on edge. I became hyper-vigilant. So I self-medicated: alcohol, drugs, food, sex, cutting – you name it. Anything to numb my brain and the constant noise. Break the cycle. Things felt so bad during that time, that I even planned my own death.

 

And all the while when I was telling the world that I was fine, that I was coping, I was actually hiding the reality of my situation and my inner world from everyone around me. I worked ridiculous hour at work, then went home and slept all weekend from the sheer exhaustion of wearing a mask all week.

 

Over time, some things started to fall into place but I still had an overwhelming feeling of emptiness inside that I just couldn’t seem to shift. I told myself that this was just the way my life was now and accepted this as my truth. The truth is, I was barely coping. I was merely treading water. At that time, I really thought this was the best it could get.

 

When you’re spinning so many plates, it’s inevitable that they will come crashing down sooner or later. Losing myself in work, working 12-14 hour days, 7 days a week; anyone would be at risk of losing their grip. Add PTSD and it’s no surprise it happened to me.

 

I subsequently had a breakdown and it was the catalyst that changed everything. I realised that I hadn’t really been coping and the reality of the situation, was that this was and always had been a convenient lie.

 

I went back to therapy, was referred to a psychiatrist and 2 years later I was declared ‘cured’. And it’s true, I haven’t had a panic attack since.

 

With the apparent cure in place, I remained totally frustrated that I still didn’t feel ‘right’, I didn’t feel like I ‘belonged’ in the world, I still felt ‘broken’ and ‘fragile’. I didn’t trust my cure, I didn’t feel connected to anyone or anything, not even myself. I was supposedly cured, but I still felt broken, fragile and disconnected.

 

Again, I thought this is just the way life is going to be. One day at a time. Surviving. Better than before, because no panic attacks, but still, not whole, not really living, just surviving.

 

At about the same time as being discharged from psychiatric treatment, I took voluntary redundancy and started my own business. As part of that, I wanted to add coaching to my offering and in doing so I became qualified, adding the NLP toolset to my arsenal.

 

The most amazing thing happened, I found that in learning how to help other people, I was actually also learning how to help myself. I was learning how to start to feel connected to the world, to my dreams, to future plans and to myself.

 

I was feeling empowered, the kind that comes from within, not the kind that’s found at the bottom of a bottle of wine. However, my body lagged behind. My mind was so ready; my body was not. It seemed to want to stay in the hyper/hypo yoyo, it wanted to sleep and collapse after any minor excitement. It was becoming my Achilles heel, and I resented it more than ever, holding me back, preventing me from doing everything my head now said I could.

 

Then, one evening and completely unexpectedly, something clicked. I was at a women’s retreat, the kind where you do lots of intensive & challenging internal personal work, not the kind where you have face masks and massages. It was an exercise in connecting with our inner vitality, our inner soul animal. I watched everyone connecting with tigers, lions, dancing, moving. And yet I was trapped, I couldn’t move; I was locked, frozen, in position. The tears started rolling down my face. I realised: I hadn’t forgiven my body for what had happened to me. I came to realise that my mind and my body were completely disconnected.

 

Up until that point, I’d been dealing with symptoms and trying to control conscious thought. And although this had undoubtedly saved my life, what I really needed to do, was make peace with my body and start living as a whole human being again. I had finally found the missing piece to my recovery and it felt like an amazing revelation.

 

I have been working hard ever since, slowly reconnecting my mind with my body and my body with my mind.

 

I realised it had been staring me in the face for months. All the training I’d done, the skills I now had to help others, the fact that I’d survived something so utterly brutal.

 

Although I wanted to do something meaningful with my life, I didn’t want to make rape the focus of my life. I didn’t want to be defined by that one, devastating event. I’d spent years along with thousands of pounds trying to make sense of it all, trying to feel whole again. That’s when I knew that the coaching skills combined with my real-life experience of different therapies, along with my own recovery, could be a powerful combination to help others, but I didn’t want to.

 

And then I met Deborah…

 

Deborah was a rape survivor who was brave enough to tell me her story. She had no access to help and was on a waiting list for therapy. She’d lost friends, struggled with work and felt completely isolated. It broke my heart to hear her story and see her pain. Sadly this is not a unique story at all. It’s common for many rape survivors to be left stranded with nowhere to go, almost like a no man’s land while they find their way back from the experience.

 

I spoke to other rape survivors and found that they all felt the same disconnect that I did. The same feelings of hopelessness. They too felt that coping was enough. Getting through the day was just about as good as it gets. However, I felt that I had to do something about it.

 

I started to share my strategies and knowledge in a bid to help others to re-connect the dots in their minds. These people began to make profound changes, which prior to now felt were impossible. Personally, I loved the feeling of being able to have an instant, positive impact on someone else’s life.

 

This is for me, is when everything slowly started to make sense. I realised that my life did have purpose and meaning, and that that was no way that I could possibly leave these women to struggle alone.

 

Finally I had something to fight for again. Something to live for.

 

Today, I no longer see myself as a rape survivor, because to survive is to struggle. I’m more than that.

 

My life is blossoming. I feel revived. I can see light pouring into the cracks and drowning out the shadows.

 

Of course, there are still occasional dark times, dark thoughts and moments of despair, but I know that they will pass. And that’s more than good enough for me. They merely serve as a handy reminder of just how far I’ve come.

 

The greatest pleasure for me, comes from knowing that one day, my clients will feel this way too.

 

I am on a mission to help other survivors, no matter how their struggle is affecting them now, because I know that I can help them in the same the way I helped myself. In helping others I know that I don’t just offer support, guidance and empathy, but I can help reduce the length of their journey having been there myself. That’s the difference, I have been there, I have pulled through and I know that I can help others pull through too. There is hope, there is a way and I light the path for survivors and it’s now my mission in life to do so.

Qualifications & Training

ICF accredited coach


NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer

Awards & Achievements

Lead the Change Award, One Woman Conference 2016

Press

http://reconnected.life/press-praise/ – where I keep records of all my press and praise.

http://metro.co.uk/author/emily-jacob/ – where I have written about rape & consent in TV shows (Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Broadchurch, The Affair) and the documentary Audrie & Daisy. I also wrote a series of nine pieces for Sexual Assault & Sexual Violence Awareness week February 2017

https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/users/24031-emily-jacob – where I have written my ‘End Rape Culture’ series, and my ‘Steps to Recovery’ series

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/emily-jacob – where I post my soapbox opinion pieces.

Upcoming Events

Please go to my website

 

Interests and Hobbies

Coming Soon

Miscellaneous Information

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Emily is a talented author, blogger, writer and commentator having written numerous times for leading media publications.   Emily is eager to capitalise on her writing skills and in doing so, share her insights and give commentary for newspapers/magazines/blogs, or as a contributor for your website and/or book. Emily’s writing is great reading for the following audience:
  • Women who have experienced raped
  • Those who want to support women who have been raped
Available for

Blogger, Magazine Columnist,

Specialist Topics

  • Challenging storylines in the media
  • Open to commenting on storylines
  • Rape culture
  • Creating solidarity for and with other survivors

Recent credits

  • Published It Gets Better and Silence Hurts as ebooks, and both comprise the book Desperately Hopeful: DisConnected Years of a ReConnected Life, available on Amazon, a collection of blogs dating from the years of recovery.
  • http://reconnected.life/press-praise/ – where I keep records of all my press and praise.
  • http://metro.co.uk/author/emily-jacob/ – where I have written about rape & consent in TV shows (Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Broadchurch, The Affair) and the documentary Audrie & Daisy. I also wrote a series of nine pieces for Sexual Assault & Sexual Violence Awareness week February 2017
  • https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/users/24031-emily-jacob – where I have written my ‘End Rape Culture’ series, and my ‘Steps to Recovery’ series
  • http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/emily-jacob – where I post my soapbox opinion pieces.
  • Glamour Magazine – The October 2016 print edition of Glamour Magazine featured a letter from a survivor to her rapist.  I was moved to tears, and felt the need to reach out and let her know it can get better.

Writing Experience

Emily is a firm favourite with the media when it comes to sharing her knowledge and insights. Having been featured for her contributions numerous times in the Metro, Huffington Post and Psychologies Life Labs, Emily is able to both write, blog and give commentary on current stories and TV storylines.

 

Emily has also published Desperately Hopeful: DisConnected Years of a ReConnected Life, available on Amazon, a collection of blogs dating from the years of recovery.

 

Emily is editing an anthology of survivor testimony on their experience of the justice system. Published in Autumn 2017, To Report or Not To Report will share the survivor lived experience about why they chose, or didn’t choose, to report their assault. 85% of rape victims never do report; it’s time society understood our stories.

 

In addition, 2018 will see ReConnected: A Survivor’s Guide to Life After Rape being launched. Part memoir, part instruction manual, ReConnected: A Survivor’s Guide to Life After Rape is a refreshing beacon of light for those who feel like their life has become a half-life. Going beyond traditional symptom management, the author reveals a whole-self approach to recovery, compassionately guiding survivors of rape back to living a life that is whole and reconnected.

 

Qualifications & Awards

Lead the Change Award, One Woman Conference 2016

Testimonials

“I believe I will be eternally grateful to Emily and her work as she alone has helped me more than I feel I could have conceived possible before. Her approach and comfort offered should be awarded – what she achieves in such a short space of time is more than any other counselor has done for me previously.”

 

“ Working with Emily was just what I needed to finally move on. I had been stuck since the attack over 20 years ago; I had struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for a long time. Through various therapies, I had largely learned to manage the anxiety and panic, but was aware that I had never fully dealt with what happened to me, and it was still there, lurking under the surface. It took a lot to pluck up the courage to deal with it, but when I started working with Emily she immediately put me at ease. She has an incredible way of being present and listening, providing exactly the support I needed. The most refreshing thing was not spending a lot of time dealing directly with the attack, but putting it into the context of my whole life. I can’t begin to describe how healing this is, in allowing me to deal with all the emotions surrounding the attack and recognising all my strengths that I have been using since the attack.”

Other Information

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I discovered the pathway to recovery through my own journey to recovery. Looking back, I wondered why no-one had told me that beyond the symptoms, I would also need to find myself back to me. And why no-one had told me the devastating impact trauma has on the body, as well as the mind. So, I decided to use the skills that had helped me to help others.

The ReConnected Life Experience programme is delivered through one to one coaching, and will shortly be also available through guided online self-help. The mini-course, Taste of Recovery, is a guided psycho-educational online self-help series that helps users take responsibility for their own recovery and is packed full of tools and techniques to help them alleviate their symptoms.

Through the ReConnected Life Experience I guide my clients in how they can build the rituals which help them manage the everyday, opening up their lives to more experiences. We work together to let go and release the triggers and from there, re-build the self. And throughout the programme, there is a deep emphasis on the impact of the body and reconnection.

It is so beautiful to see my clients’ lives open up to more, to see them embrace their talents and their joys, and to see them reconnecting into their relationships and back into dreams and plans for a full lived future.
Available for

Corporate Coaching, Private Coaching, Retreat, Schools/Education, Workshop,

Specialist Topics & Skills

  • Moving past shame and self blame
  • Being able to look at your story and know that it was just a paragraph in the chapter of your life and not the book itself
  • Helping clients to feel empowered after rape
  • How to create the rituals so that you can be your own rescuer
  • How to reconnect intimately with both yourself and others
  • How to reconnect your body to your mind and your mind to your body

Coach & Facilitator Experience

  • Became an ICF accredited coach and Master NLP Practitioner in 2015.
  • Has been coaching for the last 2 years, and has been facilitating throughout her professional career.

Recent gigs & credits

  • 1:1 coaching (the ReConnected Life Experience, 3 month programme)
  • 3wk mini course Taste of Recovery (psycho-educational guided self-help)
  • The ReConnected Life Experience Online course – launching soon

Qualifications & Awards

  • ICF accredited coach
  • NLP Practitioner, NLP Master Practitioner and NLP Trainer

Testimonials

“Emily is an excellent coach who is gently challenging so I don’t stay stuck in my thinking. Whilst at the same time making me feel safe about sharing anything I am thinking or feeling without feeling silly. The tools she has given me help me feel confident to handle any situation. I would highly recommend Emily’s programme to anyone who has suffered a trauma.”

 

“She helped me recognize that one event in my life did not define my worth & no matter who is in my life I can be strong & stand up for myself. I am strong within myself. If you need help, talk to Emily. Sign up for her program most importantly because she understands.”

 

“I feel so grateful for the work I’m doing with Emily which is helping me more than I can say. Xxxxxx”

 

“I can’t recommend the sessions highly enough! Working with Emily is amazing, she just understands exactly what I need so much better than any therapist I have ever worked with. I have been dealing with this stuff for a very long time now, and really feel like I am making those big, deep changes that are sustainable. Her way of working is so gentle yet so supportive and empowering, encouraging me to take ownership of myself and my responses to the world. She has totally got my back through this, and that is exactly what I need right now. All of you do deserve this course, so do go ahead and take advantage of these offers. You are worth it.” (Lucy)

 

“I contacted Emily for help when I realised that events from 23 years ago were still affecting me. However, I had no idea that her coaching program would be so transformational, I just thought she’d help me stop triggering myself. With her support, I found out, for the first time in my life, who I really am. I know how to put boundaries in place so I don’t feel that I’m compromising myself or giving myself away. I’ve learnt skills and strategies to prevent the overwhelm and I’m a far, far happier person. She’s taught me to love and accept who I am, and that’s life-changing. I’m now ready to take on the world. Thank you.” (Anna)

 

“I have just completed Emily’s 1:1 programme and I URGE you to look into it if you are suffering as I was. I couldn’t look in a mirror – now I’m comfortable making videos. I felt shame and depression on a regular basis, now I enjoy going out with friends regularly and feel so positive about my life and relationships. I laugh more, joke more, dance more – she really has given me back my life through her amazing programme of guided meditations, helpful strategies, and coaching and challenging me in a caring way. You deserve this programme so find a way to get on it – you won’t regret it. Regret is another thing you’ll leave behind.”

 

“I believe I will be eternally grateful to Emily and her work as she alone has helped me more than I feel I could have conceived possible before. Her approach and comfort offered should be awarded – what she achieves in such a short space of time is more than any other counselor has done for me previously.”

 

“Working with Emily was just what I needed to finally move on. I had been stuck since the attack over 20 years ago; I had struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for a long time. Through various therapies, I had largely learned to manage the anxiety and panic, but was aware that I had never fully dealt with what happened to me, and it was still there, lurking under the surface. It took a lot to pluck up the courage to deal with it, but when I started working with Emily she immediately put me at ease. She has an incredible way of being present and listening, providing exactly the support I needed. The most refreshing thing was not spending a lot of time dealing directly with the attack, but putting it into the context of my whole life. I can’t begin to describe how healing this is, in allowing me to deal with all the emotions surrounding the attack and recognising all my strengths that I have been using since the attack.”

 

“Through Emily’s programme, I really feel that I have healed and moved on. She knows just when to be gentle and provide compassionate support, and when to push me to make the changes I needed to make.”

 

Other Information

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See full video gallery

Emily is far from camera shy. Having been featured on live TV previously, Emily is very comfortable being interviewed whilst also speaking up on behalf of rape survivors.

 

Emily doesn’t shy away from her own experiences, or indeed sharing them with the general public.

 

In addition to live interviews, Emily has had filmed speaking gigs as well as being filmed for her YouTube channel.

 

Available For

Expert for Screen, Online Video Content, Social Media, Talking Heads,

Specialist Topics & Skills

  • Moving past shame and self blame
  • Being able to look at your story and know that it was just a paragraph in the chapter of your life and not the book itself
  • Helping clients to feel empowered after rape
  • How to create the rituals so that you can be your own council
  • How to reconnect intimately with both yourself and others
  • How to reconnect your body to your mind and your mind to your body

 

Great questions to ask Emily in an interview include:

 

  • Do you feel that rape victims are to blame in some way for what happened to them?
  • Do you feel that there are better ways that individuals can safeguard themselves against being or becoming a rape victim?
  • Do you feel that being victim of rape has a far reaching ripple effect and if so how? (social life, wanting to shut yourself off from the world, confidence etc…)
  • What are the most common circumstances under which rape takes place?
  • Is it possible to move on from rape?
  • Is it possible to have fully connected relationships with a partner?
  • Do you feel that society is in someway responsible for the upsurge in rape cases?
  • What do you feel could be done to help support rape survivors to move forward?
  • What do you feel is missing in today’s society to help rape survivors to move on with their lives?

Recent gigs & credits

  • BBC Breakfast – discussing Judge Kushner’s comments regarding rap
  • London Live – discussing the Dean Wicks verdict on the Eastenders rape storyline

On Screen Experience

Please view the video gallery for all recent clips. On screen experience includes BBC and filming for House of Parliament.

Testimonials

“If I was in charge, then Emily would be available on prescription for anyone who is suffering the aftermath of sexual violence. She “gets” it – whatever I’m talking about, however I’m feeling – she has a deep understanding of the complex and enduring effects. 
When I was stalked and then raped 4 years ago I felt that my world had collapsed and I couldn’t find any way through the darkness. I think I spent months in shock, and the whole official process only added to my anguish. Having experienced two trials (the first began and then was adjourned for 6 months), I finally reached a point where I knew I had to find a way of carrying on living – for my family, if not for myself.
And then the universe was kind and I came across Emily and our Reconnected group. Since working with Emily, I have discovered tools to help me when I struggle to sleep and when my sleep is interrupted by nightmares and terrors. I now know how to cope when I’m overwhelmed and feeling out of control. I have been able to look at my past and find solace in memory rather than blocking out sections of my life that were traumatic. 
Having felt stuck and unable to move forward, I can now glimpse a future where I can be happy and live my life, instead of going through the motions on autopilot. I am beginning to rediscover things that used to bring me joy and colour is returning to my world. Thanks Emily.”

Other Information

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See full video gallery
My Products Include
Books, Online Courses, Live Courses, Digital Products, Physical Products, Service Based Product
Product Details and Information

  • http://reconnected.life/experience/
  • 1 to 1 coaching
  • Taste of Recovery online program
  • http://reconnected.life/resources/
  • http://reconnected.life/books/

Available for
Education, Career / work, Health, Friends & Family, Love / relationships, Social life, Death / Tragedy, Life Purpose
Story Details

My background was fairly uneventful. School. University. I met my husband at age 22, got married at age 24. We divorced when I was 34 and then a year later just before turning 35 I was raped as a result of meeting someone through an online dating site.

 

As a result I suffered from PTSD and depression for around 6 years, that was until I was referred to a psychiatrist who I saw for 18 months. Once discharged having been dubbed as ‘cured’, I still felt extremely broken.

 

Coincidentally I was training to become a coach, which I found helped me to put my own life back together. This then inspired me to channel my work and my coaching towards helping other rape victims to recover from their own experiences at a faster pace than I was able to recover having done it on my own.

 

My drive comes from helping victims of rape to go from surviving to thriving.

 

Life Purpose

I want to see the end of rape, for survivors to be and feel supported. I am on a mission to champion the end of the rape culture that currently exists within out society.

I can be contacted directly via my website or please use the message box to send me an email via my Gamechanger Casting account.  

Contact Email

Contact us via social media